comparison is the thief of joy.

man, has God been teaching me that lately. 

com·par·i·son

1. the act of comparing. 2. the state of being compared.

 as long as there have been humans on this earth, there has been comparison. Take Joseph's brothers for example, they sold their own brother because they couldn't take the fact that when they compared themselves to him, they felt inferior. 

Ladies, how often do you find yourself on instagram, stalking someone you look up to or someone "instafamous" and comparing yourself to them? Maybe it's their great wardrobe, their 15 seconds of perfect harmonies, knack for DIY projects, their seemingly perfect relationship, or even how they always manage to get the perfect smokey eye?

guys, I don't know for sure about you, but it can't just be a female struggle. someone's always gonna have greater biceps than you or a better car.

How many hours have we spent feeling sorry for ourselves that we don't posses the skills we wish we did? I'll be honest, if comparison were an olympic sport, I'd had already won gold.

Today, I attended the funeral of an absolutely beautiful soul. She was only 18 years old and she has often been described as "pure sunshine." her smile and spirit lit up every room she walked into. Everyone agreed that she lived and loved more in her 18 years than most people do in 100.
During the duration of this funeral, not once was her beautiful curly hair and big brown eyes, model Christian relationship, cute style or even her flawless voice mentioned. She was known by her love. She always dropped what she was doing to make you feel loved, she allowed Jesus to shine out of her to everyone she met. She was truly known by her love.

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:12: “in all this comparing and grading and competing, they quite miss the point.” life is so fleeting, I don't know about you, but I don't wanna miss the point. I don't want to miss Jesus because I am too wrapped up in comparison, self-pity and worrying what others will think of me.

So how do we beat the temptation to compare ourselves to others? Thankfulness. being thankful to God for who we are and how He made us and trusting that we are all made for a special purpose.

I love this quote by Joyce Meyer, she says, "God must love variety or He wouldn't have created us all differently—even down to our fingerprints. You'll never succeed at being yourself if you're trying to be like someone else. Other people can be a good example to you, but duplicating even their good traits will manifest differently through your individual personality." You are beautiful, you were created for a huge purpose that only you can fulfill. When we can accept ourselves and love ourselves for who we are, we can walk in the ultimate freedom. 

Matthew 5:5 in The Message version says: “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought." so how about this, let's try to use the time that we would tear ourselves down to build others up! Instead of hating ourselves because we can't sing as well as the girl on instagram, how about telling her how beautiful her voice is, and then thanking God that He has instilled talents in you that He will reveal and use in its time. 

Because in the end, they won't know us by our clothes, our photography skills, how strong out "selfie game" is, or what instruments we played and how well. They will know us by our love. Be love today. 

nice tattoo, sorry it wont fulfill ya

tattoos. nose rings. body wraps. losing 65 lbs. going vegan & saving some animals. bellybutton ring. dying your hair every color of the rainbow.


I've tried these things. Who hasn't tried to dramatically change their appearance at an attempt to be happy?

You break up with a boyfriend? cut that man right outta your hair, right? Be the best thing he's never had! Lose those 20 lbs so he'll regret leaving you! These things will all make you happy, right? Wrong. So, so, so wrong.

The only reason you were made to think there is something wrong with the way you look is so people could sell you things. That's it. Society has told us that if we just fix how much the number on the scale says, if we just have ombre hair, if we just have perfect! flawless! clear skin! we will be happy.

hate to break it to you, coming from someone who has lost 65 lbs in the past two years, no matter how low the scale has gotten, I was never happier than I was when I was heavy. No matter if I had red hair, purple hair or black hair, it didn't fix any anxieties I have about the future. No matter how great the placement or font of the tattoo I have so originally picked out that has *soooo much meaning to me,* it won't fulfill me.

Do you know what fulfills? Stop being selfish and focusing on the way you look all the time.

"but I'm not a selfish person!"

So could I, the person who has voluntarily done the church nursery with no payment for 10 years, who wants to pack up her belongings and live in the slums of Africa for the rest of my life say. But the truth is, I am selfish. I am insecure about the future and sometimes unfulfilled and empty.

--For to set the mind on the flesh is death, for to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.-Romans 8:6.-- As cliche as it sounds, focus on the inside. When you think of yourself as a whole & beautiful person, you can live your life as a whole and beautiful person. rest in that peace.

There is nothing more beautiful and fulfilling than truly loving people. In order to love people, you have to make peace with and love yourself. Every day that you choose to love who you are on the inside, your passions, what motivates you, your heart, you will become more and more fulfilled. that is not selfish. that is freedom.

You are beautiful, you are loved, you will live an amazing, fulfilling life.

& that tattoo looks awesome, but sorry, it won't fulfill you.

6 days..

til I'm in Haiti.


:)

Tonight, as I just cried out of frustration, my mom asked me "are you mad at us for taking you to Haiti....."



.... that question made me so upset and frustrated... how in the world could I blame my problems on the place that I love so much?

I go to a very, very, very small private school.
My old very good friend who used to be in the same boat as me, only cares about how much she loves school right now.
And sometimes? I feel so alone...

I found my calling at such a young, young age. I found my calling to missions at ELEVEN. Not many people do that.
What teenage girl's head is wrapped up in a third world, dirty, broken, poverty-wrenched nation?
mine.

I'm.in.love.with.Haiti.
Not a phase, I love Haiti. with my whole heart. I love everything about it.
My heart still brakes every time I see a picture...
Not a day goes by that I don't pray for them and the nation.
I miss Haiti, I miss the kids. I miss Daphne.




I long for the day I can lay in bed, in Haiti, again and just go to sleep. no emptiness... no weight on my chest.

Jesus, please...?

(Picture; Deja Villegas. She tagged me in it on facebook tonight! Oh my heart! look how big she's getting! Thanks, Deja!)

Stepping out of my comfort zone.

Stepping out of our comfort zones is challenging, and honestly most of us can say we do what we can to avoid it. No one LIKES to feel uncomfortable.

Sometimes God askes us to step out so He can use us, its always a matter if we obey him or step back.
When we obey Him, it can be uncomfortable or scary at first but in the end we will receive a blessing for being obedient and doing what He wants, not what feels "comfortable."

I think God likes to shake us in our lives and ministries, it makes us rely on Him.

My comfort zone in missions seems pretty far- sitting in a ravine in a third world country in the 900 degree weather holding malnourished children with scabies, lice, and who knows what else is heartbreaking, but I LOVE it. Its my passion.

Yet, going to work in the 5 degree weather in snow in my OWN COUNTRY. Is scary to me. I've been so many times, but still, the cold is just not my thing. Going to a place and ministering to mostly adults is not my thing. Going on a team with no one under the age of 25 is not my thing.

But, its not about me.

Its about Christ in and through me.


I am going on a mission trip to Beatyville, Kentucky this week. These people are in poverty like you'd never imagine in the states.

Excited to see what this week brings...

What it feels like being back in the States.

I'd rather be punched in the face all day.

Its been 11 days since I've been back. I wish that time would just stand still and allow my brain to process things-but it doesn't. I wish that reverse culture shock didn't exist- but it does. I wish that it didn't hurt so much to be back-but it always will.
Sometimes, it feels like I'm still home in Haiti... then I wake up.

I miss.- Holding and loving babies, speaking Creole, my friends, Port-au-Prince fellowship, proving random kids on the street wrong that I DO understand them and can talk back, drinking from water bags, My Heart Will Go On playing from water trucks on the streets.... so much more....

I miss my time at the Tluceks.- I miss talking to my friend Nounoune, the team, sleeping on a balcony, I miss Melodie and David SO much, I miss my English Camp class, I miss Nadege and her "asian laugh" and how happy she is about everything, I miss teasing Nadia and telling each other stories, Renald, Emmanuel, going to the Heartline Hospital.

I miss MdL- I miss the feeling of finally being back there, when random people would shout my name that remembered me on the street, kisses from Estaline, singing with the kids, awesome conversations with the girls about the future of Haiti, piggyback rides, talking to Marie-France for hours in Crenglish, holding Alejandro and Rihanna talking to their mommas and playing with Angelo, listening to the girls sing Waka Waka, Ari and Vienna, Mr. Bill, Susette, ahh just all the Manasseros, The Feeding Program....

I miss everything.

I think I'm gonna just wrap all all of High School now and graduate so I can move there....

Life.

Well, Summer's finally here! I am so thankful, life is so good.

A lot of exciting things are happening this summer =)

Feeding program <3-

We (our church) have started feeding 150 beautiful little inner-city kids everyday! They are so sweet and so fun! I love love love working with them, holding them, talking to them, and playing with them!

Day care- I am now working at a "mothers morning out" as well =) My life is so full of kids now, I LOVE IT!

Camp is next week! I am so sad there will only be 12 people!!! Last time, it was about 60 something. :( But I know God is still going to do big things! it will still be a lot of fun though! We have new exciting activities like snorkeling and skooba diving, as well as scavenger hunts and trips to the mall. It will be different, but I'm excited!

Haiti- I'm going back!!!! Ahhh God is SO GOOD!!

Well, thats an update on my life at the moment.