Tonight, as I just cried out of frustration, my mom asked me "are you mad at us for taking you to Haiti....."



.... that question made me so upset and frustrated... how in the world could I blame my problems on the place that I love so much?

I go to a very, very, very small private school.
My old very good friend who used to be in the same boat as me, only cares about how much she loves school right now.
And sometimes? I feel so alone...

I found my calling at such a young, young age. I found my calling to missions at ELEVEN. Not many people do that.
What teenage girl's head is wrapped up in a third world, dirty, broken, poverty-wrenched nation?
mine.

I'm.in.love.with.Haiti.
Not a phase, I love Haiti. with my whole heart. I love everything about it.
My heart still brakes every time I see a picture...
Not a day goes by that I don't pray for them and the nation.
I miss Haiti, I miss the kids. I miss Daphne.




I long for the day I can lay in bed, in Haiti, again and just go to sleep. no emptiness... no weight on my chest.

Jesus, please...?

(Picture; Deja Villegas. She tagged me in it on facebook tonight! Oh my heart! look how big she's getting! Thanks, Deja!)

What it feels like being back in the States.

I'd rather be punched in the face all day.

Its been 11 days since I've been back. I wish that time would just stand still and allow my brain to process things-but it doesn't. I wish that reverse culture shock didn't exist- but it does. I wish that it didn't hurt so much to be back-but it always will.
Sometimes, it feels like I'm still home in Haiti... then I wake up.

I miss.- Holding and loving babies, speaking Creole, my friends, Port-au-Prince fellowship, proving random kids on the street wrong that I DO understand them and can talk back, drinking from water bags, My Heart Will Go On playing from water trucks on the streets.... so much more....

I miss my time at the Tluceks.- I miss talking to my friend Nounoune, the team, sleeping on a balcony, I miss Melodie and David SO much, I miss my English Camp class, I miss Nadege and her "asian laugh" and how happy she is about everything, I miss teasing Nadia and telling each other stories, Renald, Emmanuel, going to the Heartline Hospital.

I miss MdL- I miss the feeling of finally being back there, when random people would shout my name that remembered me on the street, kisses from Estaline, singing with the kids, awesome conversations with the girls about the future of Haiti, piggyback rides, talking to Marie-France for hours in Crenglish, holding Alejandro and Rihanna talking to their mommas and playing with Angelo, listening to the girls sing Waka Waka, Ari and Vienna, Mr. Bill, Susette, ahh just all the Manasseros, The Feeding Program....

I miss everything.

I think I'm gonna just wrap all all of High School now and graduate so I can move there....